BLANK

BLANK...blank....the analysis doesn't seem to yield anything exciting...

De-stressing....Jalan-jalan menikmati keindahan ciptaan Illahi

Ar-Rahman

"So which of the favours of your Lord would you deny?"
31 verses of this in Surah Ar-Rahman. This verse suddenly struck in my mind a couple of days ago, and when I came home, the surah was being heard from my hubby's ipod..what a touching verse. It really makes me thinking of all the 'nonsense' that I have been questioning myself so far. There are so many favours that Allah has bestowed on me....am I denying it? Forgive me, Ya Allah

Feeling small

I am feeling small and little amongst those great minds at work. Why can't my brain work like them. It seems that my brain has been trained to have a repetitive memory rather than lateral thinking and abstract thinking. I think this is mainly the product of the education system that I have gone through. I have an excellent photographic and retentive memory, that's why I excelled at school and universities. But when it come to lateral thinking, I succumbed...and that is the main reason why I have this difficulty in my PhD. I have no problem in clinical work and clinical studies because that is what being expected of us medical doctors and medical students to diagnose and treat specific symptoms and diseases that had been already described by somebody else in the medical text book. But I have great difficulties and in despair try to think of something that has not been described before, something that is original and significant and could contribute to new knowledge etc etc.....My co-supervisor has provide me with an excellent support and he is aware of my difficulties and concern. He keep on encouraging me, but I feel as if I have let him down again and again...just now he gave me a piece of paper that he has been working on, and asking me to give feedback! oh no...that is the problem with me, giving feedback and critically evaluating the work of others when I myself is struggling to produce a similar kind of work! Ya Allah helps me...I am here to gain this knowledge, to gain this training that I realized that I am lacking of, and that is the main reason that I undertake this path...help me Ya Allah, only You could help me....ameen

Can I say it? No I can't..I can't say bad word even though it is directed to myself as it is a form of du'a...only words of prayers should be uttered....but I feel so d---

A little cry of help....

Ya Allah, helps me in this journey. Only You can show me the path, the light at the end of the tunnel. I have been lazy, forgive me. Sometimes the thought of WHY do I venture in this difficult path prop up once a while & more frequently lately. Never did I realize that this path is that difficult and stressful...however I shouldn't ever question this, whatever that Allah has ordained for us is for the best, only we do not realize that. I am blessed with so many things from Allah. InsyaAllah I will persevere and may success eventually be with me, ameen,

Guidance.....

Recruitment has been pretty slow lately...no patients for the past 2 weeks. However, I have been busy preparing for research presentation at Dunedin. It was only 15 minutes talk, however it really took my nerve! Thought I could rest after the talk and prepare for my poster presentation...how wrong am I...the 'bombshell' was dropped yesterday, which I could not mention it today for it is still confidential. Since then I have been worried about my future here..should I think about other alternative? or should I stay here and believe all the promises? I really don't know what to do, I need to pray to Allah for guidance....

A tazkirah from my dear hubby for me....
Assalamu'alaikum wrt wbt

Kehidupan kita sebagai seorang Islam sememangnya akan dilalui dengan pelbagai ujian. Ujian-ujian yang sememangnya bersifat dalaman dan luaran sebagai satu tanda bahawa Tuhan sedang menyaring tahap kehambaan makhlukNya. Inilah keyakinan yang perlu kita hadamkan bahawa proses kehidupan yang pendek ini perlu dibekali secukup mungkin. Sesungguhnya Tuhan telah memberikan satu anugerah yang disebut dalam al-Qur'an buat bekal orang beriman yang namanya TAQWA.
TAQWA inilah yang memberikan motivasi kepada Rasulullah s.a.w untuk keluar menghadapi masyarakat yang serba rejektif dan skeptikal terhadap Islam. TAQWA inlah juga perbekalan Rasulullah s.a.w untuk tampil mendepani masyarakat tanpa gentar hatta cuba bunuh sedang diatur. KeTAQWAAN bukan satu warisan dari syahadah yang bersifat percuma. Ianya TAQWA yang diusahakan dengan mujahadah dan muraqabah. TAQWA yang mengikat hati manusia dalam melihat ALLah SWT sebagai maksud kehidupan. Ilahi anta maqsudi. Tuhan engkaulah maksud kami. TAQWA yang melihat kebesaran ALLah sebagai mutlaq pengabdiaan. TAQWA inilah juga memberikan kita keyakinan bahawa sifat makhluk yang penuh kekerdilan itu sewajarnya dihormati tetapi tidak ditakuti. Bilamana jiwa ini dipenuhi dengan ingatan pada ALLah maka kebergantungan kita kepada manusia menjadi sesuatu yang begitu minimal.
Inilah perjalanan mana-mana hamba yang penuh baik sangka dengan Tuhan untuk mencari jalan TAQWA. Sangkaan baik pada Tuhan yang akhirnya Tuhan memberikan kurniaan yang sememangnya tidak disangka-sangkakan.
Moga ALLah menenggalamkan hati ini dengan TAQWA dan diberikan keyakinan bahawa segenap perjalanan aturan Tuhan ini adalah tarbiyyah Tuhan kepada kita. Tiadalah ALLah menzalimi hambaNya bahkan ALLah menjadi tempat taqarrub dan permohonan kita sebagai hambaNya.

“Dan sesiapa yang bertakwa kepada Allah (dengan mengerjakan suruhan dan
meninggalkan segala larangan) nescaya Allah mengadakan baginya jalan keluar (dari
perkara yang menyusahkan) serta memberikannya rezeki dari jalan yang tidak
disangkakannya.” (At-Talaq :2-3)

Inilah sebagaimana disebut oleh as-Syahid Syed Qutub dalam mentafsirkan ayat 29 dalam Surah al-Anfal.
“Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Jika kamu bertakwa kepada Allah,
nescaya Ia mengadakan bagi kamu (petunjuk) yang membezakan antara yang benar
dan yang salah, dan menghapuskan kesalahan-kesalahan kamu serta mengampunkan
(dosa-dosa) kamu. Dan Allah sememangnya mempunyai limpah kurnia yang besar.”
(Al-Anfal:29)

“Inilah dia bekalan iaitu bekalan persediaan dan kelengkapan di perjalanan. Bekalan ketakwaan yang menghidup, membangkit dan menyedarkan hati, membuahkan di alamnya setinggi-tinggi kesedaran, kewaspadaan dan berhati-hati. Menyediakan baginya sinar cahaya petunjuk yang menyingkap segala rintangan ujian di liku-liku perjalanan yang sejauh mata memandang. Cahaya petunjuk ini merupakan cahaya yang tidak dikelami dengan sebarang syubhat (kesamaran) serta mendindingi pemikiran yang sempurna dan benar. Kemudiannya, ia adalah merupakan bekalan mengampun dan memaafkan sebarang kesalahan, bekalan kedamaian yang mencurahkan ketenangan dan kegembiraan,
bekalan cita-cita serta impian untuk memenuhi dan mencapai kurniaan Allah yang maha besar di ketika hari yang tiada di sana sebarang bekalan di ketika hari yang mana eseluruhan amalan adalah sia-sia, tidak mempunyai sebarang nilaian. Kesemuanya ini adalah merupakan kenyataan: Bahawa hanya ketakwaan kepada Allah sahajalah yang benar wujud dan menjelma di hati, satu petunjuk yang membezakan antara yang benar dan yang batil yang seterusnya menyingkapkan rintangan dan halangan di perjalanan. Begitu juga dengan hakikat-hakikat kepercayaan (akidah) ini tidak akan dirasai, difahami dan diketahui melainkan kepada mereka yang melaksanakan secara amali.” (Syed Qutub)

Semoga ALLah mengurniakan ketaqwaan kepada kita dalam mengharungi kehidupan di tanah asing bernama New Zealand.

Guidance 4

I have been really busy these past few days...especially with the start of our study. So many things to do and so much responsibility. I need to deal with so many nurses and doctors here. This is the hardest bit of doing clinical trial, and I know doing animal trial is not easy as well. At least the funding and ethical approval has been settled, I can put most effort in the running of the study.....I am doing both the clinical part and lab part as well...I am tired but it is a good experience for me, I hope...Today I have been away from my desk, running here and there...almost had an emotional part get the better of me, a long story that could not be told. I am venting all these here, before I got the chance to vent it at home..hubby is a very good listener and support for me, alhamdulillah.

I have neglected this yesterday..I need to continue it today, my guidance

Surah Al-Baqarah
11. And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers."
12. Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not
13. And when it is said to them, "Believe as the people have believed," they say, "Should we believe as the foolish have believed?". Unquestionably, it is they who are foolish, but they know [it] not.
14. And when they meet those who believe, they say, "We believe"; but when they are alone with their evil ones, they say, "Indeed, we are with you; we are only mockers."
15. [But] Allah mocks them and prolongs them in their transgression [while] they wander blindly.