Today is the day of the annual 3MT competition at our campus....last year I participated, and alhamdulillah I won...I am happy, and it did wonders in my self confidence...but then it came dwindling down again. This is the peril of the loneliness of phd, where we keep on doubting ourselves....
Earlier this year I keep on postponing from sending my literature review to my supervisor, mainly because I did not believe it is adequate or up to standard. But because of the tight schedule, I did sent it eventually...and today I received the feedback. The comments started with 'you've done fantastically well'.....and ends with 'well done'. I should be happy shouldn't I? I am, but only for a while....then I begin to doubt that the positive words are there to keep my spirit up, after reading the individual comments. Of course, as expected it is inundated with comments, but I am happy with comments, at least there are areas that I can improve ..although some stung a bit, but need to keep a positive attitude. It gives me areas to work on, and hopefully to improve...and today as well I have completed my fourth chapter, but I am still far from happy with it, I am still not confident enough to send it to my supervisor. Reading it back, I am worried that the work I have done is not enough. Sometimes I can't believe myself that I have spent 5 months writing it...it doesn't seems to be a 5 months work....is that all the conclusion I have got from all the work? Is it enough? The results are there, but it is how well did I interpret it, and how well I can express it....this is my weakness. Give me all the data, and I am more than happy to crunch the numbers, but to justify it, to explain its usefulness in the broader sense..that's where I failed....I am trying hard, may Allah shows me the path. It is His ilm, and only He can show the path...ameen
ONLY TO YOU WE WORSHIP, AND ONLY TO YOU WE ASK FOR HELP (1:7)
