Feeling small

I am feeling small and little amongst those great minds at work. Why can't my brain work like them. It seems that my brain has been trained to have a repetitive memory rather than lateral thinking and abstract thinking. I think this is mainly the product of the education system that I have gone through. I have an excellent photographic and retentive memory, that's why I excelled at school and universities. But when it come to lateral thinking, I succumbed...and that is the main reason why I have this difficulty in my PhD. I have no problem in clinical work and clinical studies because that is what being expected of us medical doctors and medical students to diagnose and treat specific symptoms and diseases that had been already described by somebody else in the medical text book. But I have great difficulties and in despair try to think of something that has not been described before, something that is original and significant and could contribute to new knowledge etc etc.....My co-supervisor has provide me with an excellent support and he is aware of my difficulties and concern. He keep on encouraging me, but I feel as if I have let him down again and again...just now he gave me a piece of paper that he has been working on, and asking me to give feedback! oh no...that is the problem with me, giving feedback and critically evaluating the work of others when I myself is struggling to produce a similar kind of work! Ya Allah helps me...I am here to gain this knowledge, to gain this training that I realized that I am lacking of, and that is the main reason that I undertake this path...help me Ya Allah, only You could help me....ameen

Can I say it? No I can't..I can't say bad word even though it is directed to myself as it is a form of du'a...only words of prayers should be uttered....but I feel so d---

A little cry of help....

Ya Allah, helps me in this journey. Only You can show me the path, the light at the end of the tunnel. I have been lazy, forgive me. Sometimes the thought of WHY do I venture in this difficult path prop up once a while & more frequently lately. Never did I realize that this path is that difficult and stressful...however I shouldn't ever question this, whatever that Allah has ordained for us is for the best, only we do not realize that. I am blessed with so many things from Allah. InsyaAllah I will persevere and may success eventually be with me, ameen,