Self Doubt

Self-doubt has been a major daily issue in my pursuit of this degree. I am tired dealing with this, it is never ending, and even not coumaflaged by the positive words received from my supervisors and the advisory board.....why is well done, outstanding, and excellent are still not enough? Why is with every praise words that I received, I think of the hidden negative words they want to hide from me? This is further compounded by a not too positive feedback that I have been getting for my written english and the content of the recent paper. Even if the feedback had several praise words in between, I succumbed into further self-doubt. How to increase self confidence? I am really lacking of it!!!

Requirement of PhD candidate by Otago University

A successful PhD thesis will demonstrate the candidate's ability to conduct original research and to present the findings of that research to a professional standard. The thesis should give evidence that the candidate has made a significant contribution to knowledge in the particular field. On the award of the degree, the graduate should be a person capable of conceiving, designing and carrying out high-quality research in the area of their expertise without supervision.

As the highest degree awarded by the University of Otago for research supervised by members of the academic staff, the PhD requires a high degree of scholarly acumen, independence and perseverance.

Layakkah aku?

The Road to Allah

A compilation of ceramah/pengajian harian yang dibukukan dalam bahasa yang mudah difahami dan analogi kisah nabi2, para sahabat dan ahli sufi di dalam setiap topik. Ianya berkenaan panduan pencarian perjalanan menuju Allah swt. Di mulakan dgn awal perjalanan yang menitikkan konsep kecintaan kepada Allah swt sebagai puncak kepada ibadat melebihi kehendak kepada syurga atau ketakutan kepada neraka. Byk peringatan yang dpt diaplikasikan. Pemetaan perjlnn menuju Allah setelah dimulai di awal perjalanan dgn persiapan kecintaan kepada Illahi, diuraikan pula pelbagai halangan dan dugaan semasa dalam perjlnn spt penyakit hati (takbur, riya & ujub), bantuan perjlnn (kenali diri, zikir, amalan, akhlak etc) dan diakhiri perjlnn dgn panduan mengelakkan su'ul khatimah. Setiap tahap perjlnn ada panduan amalan dan analogi kisah2 nabi, juga baitan puisi from Mathnawi Rumi. Amat mudah dibaca dan memberi kesan yang mendlm.

An excerpt from the book that really got me thinking is adab berdoa kepada Allah….kita selalu berdoa dgn penggunaan kalimat2 perintah didalamnya seperti Ya Allah, sembuhkanlah penyakitku ini, ia tidak salah tapi kurang adabnya, bukankah lebih baik kalau kita berdoa seperti doa Nabi Ayyub ketika ditimpa kesakitan “Tuhanku, sungguh kesengsaraan telah menimpaku saat ini. Sementara Engkau Maha Pengasih dari segala yang mengasihi”. Ia lebih kepada pengaduan, dari mengandungi ayat perintah (tidak ada fi’il amr di dalam doa itu).

Another excerpt from the book "tasawuf sejati bukan tidak memiliki dunia, tetapi tidak dimiliki dunia, sufi bukan bererti tidak mempunyai apa-apa, tetapi tidak dipunyai apa-apa"

Petikan dari chapter on "Berzikirlah Kamu Sebanyak-banyaknya": Kata sifat utk amal adalah 'amalan sholiha (amal soleh) bukan 'amalan katsira (amal yang byk), tapi khusus utk zikir, Al-Quran menggunakan kata sifat dzikran katsira, bukan dzikran shaliha. Betapapun kurangnya kualiti zikir kita, kita dianjurkan berzikir byk2 tanpa batasan waktu.

Trial

Over my new toy!

It's not a rocket science

Why is it I am so negative these days???????????