Update

I have been busy catching up with endless data entering for a study. How much I need to catch up, alhamdulillah hubby is willing to help....MasyaAllah...in between those data entering, I received a piece of a very good news, syukur alhamdulillah one of a major piece of our research paper has been accepted for publication without further revision....Ya Allah, praise be with you.....I am blessed with all the good tidings that you have bestowed upon us. We hope with all this blessing, we will further strive to become a better mu'min and mu'minah, ameen....help us to better ourselves.

MasyaAllah again, the previous competition I entered (although I did not win) end up well. Alhamdulillah I am able to deliver the best that I could, and alhamdulillah again, I received a good review from the judges....I sincerely wanted to share the good news with my colleagues, in the hope it will also become an inspiration to them.....forgive me Ya Allah, if there is a speck of riya' in this, forgive me....Ya Allah.....

Excerpt of video from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCcNTSfBtmg

Eid Mubarak to all

Eid Mubarak to all...

Here and there, now and then

It's Ramadhan month again.......alhamdulillah I have the opportunity to meet Ramadhan again, with the aim insyaALlah to become a better person, better abid, better muslimah....ameen

On the first of Ramadhan itself, I had been bestowed with rahmah from Allah swt...the unexpected gift, that could possibly increase my self confidence, but hopefully not to the extent of riya'. Unexpectedly against the other 12 contestants, I have been blessed as the winner of our campus heat in the 3-min thesis competition. It was unexpected but a welcome gift. It certainly helps my injured/scarred self confidence, and hopefully heal my self doubt. My main supporter i.e my co-SV is happy, and I am happy to be able to make him happy, at least it is something in return for all the help he has given me, including editing the content of my presentation in this competition. I remember being afraid of stumbling myself to the chagrin of him infront of others, and my prayer has been answered in this blessed Ramadhan, but I did not pray to win, it is an added bonus, but also a small ujian to test whether I will be riya' etc. I received congratulations from many, including some prominent persons in the campus, and the postgraduate office. Alhamdulillah, I am happy to show to them that as a muslimah (in a veil) I am still able to deliver...........
Just to share the email from my co-SV to the other SVs and colleagues....."Congratulations Azrina, conquerer of the 3 minute thesis competition. Today, in the face of a daunting array of opponents and in front of a full house, Azrina won the University of Otago Christchurch 3 minute thesis competition. She was superb - with only a little help from Drs Suess and Bob the Builder she communicated what her thesis was about and why she was doing it. She'll now get the chance to take that story to Dunedin. Well done Azrina." Now the challenge of competing in a bigger auditorium, with more competent contesters, and possibly on the first Eid, away from family in Dunedin....I do not aim to win, but just to deliver, and prove that being a Muslim, we can deliver the best, ameen, only with Your help Allah, I can do this, and I seek forgiveness if there is a speck of riya' in this, forgive me, Ya Allah...

Life and interpretation

Meaning to write something about life and interpretation, but having a 'word-block'....not in the mood.........hence this change......Love it! I always like to have this artistic handwriting, but I am not artistic enough.....Maybe later will revisit this issue. But at this moment, I am enjoying this blog as a mean to vent myself.......

Oh yeah, it was snowing two days ago...heavily, the heaviest snow fall in 15 years, how it changes the view completely......

Success...happiness....tranquility

As a child, I have been brought up in a family that emphasis on education. Success in education means love, praises, gifts, preferences, and all the good thing that comes with it, and failure equates the other side of it. At least that was what I felt when I was a child. I am grateful to my parents, as if they have not done it, I may not end up being where I am now....and I began to accept it as the way of life throughout my adult life. I was and still am forcing myself to the limit for this.....but having achieved all that, does it equates to happiness and tranquility? AM I HAPPY? I should be, I have been blessed with lots of success in education all throughout the years......but am I really happy to the state of achieving tranquility? What worries me now? The inability to succeed in my PhD quest......again and again this drive is haunting me......Why do I worry so much? Looking back, I began to question what is the true meaning of success. We have succumbed to the society's definition of success, the status quo that we need to achieve....How to get away from this definition that has been deeply imbued in our belief?

Positivism

This morning I have decided to do away from these negative feelings. I am to start this day with positive feelings, and faced all challenges ahead with positive thinking. Anything, everything that happened is the best for us already pre-ordained by ALlah swt, even when we cannot see it at the moment. Husnul Zan is the word (All is well....from the hindustani movie, the 3 idiots, love the show..it really challenges the status quo we put ourselves into). It is easier said than done, it was put into test just after I have said it, looking again at the endless paper and the work which I really think is really under the par for the PhD, I am down again, but reminding myself about this positivism, makes me want to go further. InsyaAllah will try harder again. Never that I imagine this educational journey will stimulate so much of a conflict within myself, it is an upgrading journey, insyaAllah that will eventually makes me into a better person, ameen.