Life and interpretation

Meaning to write something about life and interpretation, but having a 'word-block'....not in the mood.........hence this change......Love it! I always like to have this artistic handwriting, but I am not artistic enough.....Maybe later will revisit this issue. But at this moment, I am enjoying this blog as a mean to vent myself.......

Oh yeah, it was snowing two days ago...heavily, the heaviest snow fall in 15 years, how it changes the view completely......

Success...happiness....tranquility

As a child, I have been brought up in a family that emphasis on education. Success in education means love, praises, gifts, preferences, and all the good thing that comes with it, and failure equates the other side of it. At least that was what I felt when I was a child. I am grateful to my parents, as if they have not done it, I may not end up being where I am now....and I began to accept it as the way of life throughout my adult life. I was and still am forcing myself to the limit for this.....but having achieved all that, does it equates to happiness and tranquility? AM I HAPPY? I should be, I have been blessed with lots of success in education all throughout the years......but am I really happy to the state of achieving tranquility? What worries me now? The inability to succeed in my PhD quest......again and again this drive is haunting me......Why do I worry so much? Looking back, I began to question what is the true meaning of success. We have succumbed to the society's definition of success, the status quo that we need to achieve....How to get away from this definition that has been deeply imbued in our belief?

Positivism

This morning I have decided to do away from these negative feelings. I am to start this day with positive feelings, and faced all challenges ahead with positive thinking. Anything, everything that happened is the best for us already pre-ordained by ALlah swt, even when we cannot see it at the moment. Husnul Zan is the word (All is well....from the hindustani movie, the 3 idiots, love the show..it really challenges the status quo we put ourselves into). It is easier said than done, it was put into test just after I have said it, looking again at the endless paper and the work which I really think is really under the par for the PhD, I am down again, but reminding myself about this positivism, makes me want to go further. InsyaAllah will try harder again. Never that I imagine this educational journey will stimulate so much of a conflict within myself, it is an upgrading journey, insyaAllah that will eventually makes me into a better person, ameen.

Self Doubt

Self-doubt has been a major daily issue in my pursuit of this degree. I am tired dealing with this, it is never ending, and even not coumaflaged by the positive words received from my supervisors and the advisory board.....why is well done, outstanding, and excellent are still not enough? Why is with every praise words that I received, I think of the hidden negative words they want to hide from me? This is further compounded by a not too positive feedback that I have been getting for my written english and the content of the recent paper. Even if the feedback had several praise words in between, I succumbed into further self-doubt. How to increase self confidence? I am really lacking of it!!!

Requirement of PhD candidate by Otago University

A successful PhD thesis will demonstrate the candidate's ability to conduct original research and to present the findings of that research to a professional standard. The thesis should give evidence that the candidate has made a significant contribution to knowledge in the particular field. On the award of the degree, the graduate should be a person capable of conceiving, designing and carrying out high-quality research in the area of their expertise without supervision.

As the highest degree awarded by the University of Otago for research supervised by members of the academic staff, the PhD requires a high degree of scholarly acumen, independence and perseverance.

Layakkah aku?

The Road to Allah

A compilation of ceramah/pengajian harian yang dibukukan dalam bahasa yang mudah difahami dan analogi kisah nabi2, para sahabat dan ahli sufi di dalam setiap topik. Ianya berkenaan panduan pencarian perjalanan menuju Allah swt. Di mulakan dgn awal perjalanan yang menitikkan konsep kecintaan kepada Allah swt sebagai puncak kepada ibadat melebihi kehendak kepada syurga atau ketakutan kepada neraka. Byk peringatan yang dpt diaplikasikan. Pemetaan perjlnn menuju Allah setelah dimulai di awal perjalanan dgn persiapan kecintaan kepada Illahi, diuraikan pula pelbagai halangan dan dugaan semasa dalam perjlnn spt penyakit hati (takbur, riya & ujub), bantuan perjlnn (kenali diri, zikir, amalan, akhlak etc) dan diakhiri perjlnn dgn panduan mengelakkan su'ul khatimah. Setiap tahap perjlnn ada panduan amalan dan analogi kisah2 nabi, juga baitan puisi from Mathnawi Rumi. Amat mudah dibaca dan memberi kesan yang mendlm.

An excerpt from the book that really got me thinking is adab berdoa kepada Allah….kita selalu berdoa dgn penggunaan kalimat2 perintah didalamnya seperti Ya Allah, sembuhkanlah penyakitku ini, ia tidak salah tapi kurang adabnya, bukankah lebih baik kalau kita berdoa seperti doa Nabi Ayyub ketika ditimpa kesakitan “Tuhanku, sungguh kesengsaraan telah menimpaku saat ini. Sementara Engkau Maha Pengasih dari segala yang mengasihi”. Ia lebih kepada pengaduan, dari mengandungi ayat perintah (tidak ada fi’il amr di dalam doa itu).

Another excerpt from the book "tasawuf sejati bukan tidak memiliki dunia, tetapi tidak dimiliki dunia, sufi bukan bererti tidak mempunyai apa-apa, tetapi tidak dipunyai apa-apa"

Petikan dari chapter on "Berzikirlah Kamu Sebanyak-banyaknya": Kata sifat utk amal adalah 'amalan sholiha (amal soleh) bukan 'amalan katsira (amal yang byk), tapi khusus utk zikir, Al-Quran menggunakan kata sifat dzikran katsira, bukan dzikran shaliha. Betapapun kurangnya kualiti zikir kita, kita dianjurkan berzikir byk2 tanpa batasan waktu.

Trial

Over my new toy!