NZ quake: Malaysians tell their story

From: http://www.asiaone.com/News/AsiaOne+News/Malaysia/Story/A1Story20100905-235608.html

It was the 25th of Ramadhan, my husband had gone to work for his early morning shift. I stayed up that night to do some work following a meeting with my supervisor the evening before. After eating some food for sahur, I was just about to sleep at around 4:30am. Not long after that I heard a loud rumbling noise and suddenly the house was moving violently and a lot of things fall down. I immediately shouted to wake up my daughter and grabbed her. The electricity was cut and we were in darkness.The quake lasted for about 1 minute. In the darkness, I managed to find the house key and immediately opened both doors in view of emergency escape. Few minutes later there was another strong aftershock. I called my husband who was at work, alhamdulillah he was safe, barely missed a cabinet falling over him. Worrying of another large quake, his colleague advised us to hide under a strong table or to go to a doorway if there is another one. A few minutes later, one of our neighbour knocked on our door to find out about us. They offered us candles and advice to store lots of water. They warned us that there will be many aftershocks that could last for a few days.
True to their word, there were more than 30 aftershocks up till now, some was as high as 5.1 Richter scale. Our electricity was restored at around 10am, and we immediately called our family home to inform them of our safety. My neighbour’s chimney collapsed, creating a large hole in their house. According to him, luckily there is a big tree preventing the chimney from falling on our house. We were shocked to see the extent of damage to buildings especially in the central city area. Alhamdulillah, all of our Malaysian friends were safe, some with more damage to their houses and belongings. This traumatic experience still lingered in our mind, reminding us how fragile our life is and remembering Allah’s greatness.From, Dr Azrina Md Ralib & Norhasanin Ahmad University of Otago

13th AACA: A trip to remember

13th AACA Conference: A Trip to Remember
Dr Azrina Md Ralib (IIUM) - Recipient of the JSA-JFSA-WFSA-Baxter Scholarship

I was fortunate indeed to have had the chance to attend the 13th AACA conference in Fukouka, Japan, from 31st May to 6th June 2010. Winning the scholarship sponsored by the JSA-JFSAWFSA- Baxter for young promising anaesthesiologists from developing countries opened opportunities for me to explore Japan and to get acquainted with people from various countries.

My long and arduous trip started on a rainy and cold winter day in Christchurch, New Zealand. I have been in Kiwi land for the past six months for my PhD degree in acute kidney injury (AKI) in the ICU. The chance to get away from my normal routine work and endless literature reviews and to be back to the world of anaesthesiology really gave me fresh new energy. I boarded the Singapore Airline flight, which is my preferred airline for its excellent service. This gave me the chance to meet with other delegates from Malaysia. After a nine hour flight from Christchurch, a six hour transit in Singapore and another six hour flight to Fukuoka, I finally touched down in Japan. At the airport, whilst looking for a taxi, I met Prof Datin Dr Norsidah and Datin Dr Sivasakthi who were staying at the same hotel. Little did I know, they would become my “partner in crime” exploring the city of Fukouka.

Fukuoka is the capital city of Fukuoka Prefecture and is situated on the northern shore of the island of Kyushu. On arrival at our hotel, we were disappointed to be told that we could not check-in before 3.00 pm. To buy time, we decided to explore the city of Fukuoka. Even though I was very tired from the 22 hours journey, the exploration turned out to be an interesting event. We managed to visit the Fukuoka Tower, Fukuoka City Museum, Momochi seaside, Fukuoka Dome and the Robo-square. We also managed to visit the Ohori Park and Fukuoka Castle Ruin on our way back to the hotel. Eventually at 3.00 pm sharp, we were allowed to checkin to our rooms. We attended the opening ceremony and welcome cocktails later in the evening.

The conference started bright and early the next day, with the nice summer breeze of Fukuoka. The first plenary session by Dr Jonathan Moss turned out to be an eye opener for us. The moral is to have the inquisitive mind in our daily clinical work which could lead to a breakthrough in medicine that could improve the quality of life of so many patients, albeit a long and dedicated research effort. A simple research question led Dr Jonathan Moss and his team to a 20-year project, resulting in the development of a much needed antagonist of morphine's peripheral side effects, N-methylnaltrexone (MNTX). Apparently, the drug has been recently approved for clinical usage in Malaysia as well as in other countries.

There were three symposia which ran concurrently covering most of the anaesthetic topics ranging from pain medicine, ICU, cardiac anaesthesia etc. I attended a few symposia that were different and unique such as Manpower in Anaesthesia, Innovations in Anaesthesia and Anaesthesia Education and Simulation amongst other things. During the coffee break, we had a chance to visit the excellent poster presentations, where four out of twenty were from Malaysia. Congratulations to all!

On Day 2, we visited various temples and a shrine near the Gion area, and also the futuristic shopping mall and the Canal City with an amazing waterfront display.

My poster titled "Survey of Knowledge and Practice of Intraoperative Temperature Management" was presented on the fourth day of the conference. On the same day, there was apresentation ceremony for the winners of the JSA-JCSA-WFSA-Baxter Scholarship, where I had the chance to meet with the President, Secretary, and Chairman of Education Committee of the World Federation of the Society of Anaesthesiology (WFSA) and also the Chairman of the Conference, Professor Koji Sumikawa.

The congress banquet was held on the last night of the conference. Surprisingly, there was a variety of halal food prepared for us. It was indeed a lovely and memorable night to remember.

The conference ended on the morning of June the 5th. In the afternoon, I attended the Simulation in Anaesthesia Practice workshop facilitated by three facilitators from Singapore. Even though there were only four participants at the workshop, it was indeed very well delivered with lots of hands-on practice. It is my hope that I can use this training to further improve our highfidelity patients’ simulation (HPS) curriculum for medical undergraduates, and hopefully for future postgraduates later. The trip ended with Sayonara to the Japanese folks, and back to the freezing winter of Christchurch.

DR AZRINA MD RALIB
Christchurch School of Medicine,
University of Otago, 2 Riccarton Avenue,
PO Box 4345, Christchurch 8140, New Zealand

Update

It has been almost 3 months that I last updated this blog...I have seem to neglect it. So what has been happening in the past 3 months?
- Jalan2 to the amazing Lake Tekapo-Pukaki-Mount Cook:definitely my favourite place here in NZ...masyaAllah, the amazing beauty of Allah's creation-a must place to visit in NZ
- Jalan2 and berendam di Hanmer Springs Thermal Spa - what a bless!
- Ramadhan datang and pergi...am I better than before?
- Celebration of syawal yang tersangat meriahnya with aktiviti ziarah...i'm not that busy even in Malaysia (even in UK pun tak terasa sangat). This is despite gempa and more than 1000 aftershocks..
- Oh and almost forgot, Christchurch Earthquake....with all the 'dramas' here. Long story....my writing in the star online

What about my PhD....the main reason I am here...

- Underwent my PhD confirmation review meeting late July, alhamdulillah it went very well with very positive feedback...i am now a confirmed PhD candidate

- Presented at the research seminar meeting with another 2 PhD students who started around the same time with me...alhamdulillah again, it went well...my SV was very happy with my presentation!...positive remarks from the audience...entah apa2 yang i auta....tapi takpe depa kata nampak very confident, alhamdulillah.
- My supervisor has finally left to Sydney, but alhamdulillah we still managed to keep working via mail and skype
- ALhamdulillah I finally got a crack of this PhD thingy....manage to come up with some sort of novelty finding in some of the analysis and my SVs are happy with the result....(He sort of told me....see you are so worried about not finding something novel in your research, now you have come out with this...and it can fit nicely in one chapter of your thesis...). Of course, previously I was concern and I told him my concern...that's what supervisors are here for..
- For that, I have submitted an abstract to WCN. Hopefully I could go to Vancouver, Canada next April...insyaALlah
- Also preparing a manuscript for submission to journal...and this a huge headache. To date it has been almost 1 month I am revising this, version 3 just submitted to my co-supervisor. So far he's quite happy with the progress alhamdulillah...now awaiting for his 3rd feedback...and it need to go through my primary SV first (don't know which version before it can finally reached him!)
- My letter to editor questioning some issue in an article has been accepted for publication....
- 2 databases has been developed and I am superbusy with data collection. My eyes qot very tired in entering all the data, sometimes it makes me think whether it is all worth the effort...I am trained to be clinician, I spent 12 years in clinical field try to save live, and here I am sitting infront of computers entering these data...what am I doing here? need to remind myself the motto of our university "RESEARCH SAVES LIVES!!!!" Hubby advised me to always zikr to ALlah, hence now I am constantly zikr to ALlah whilst entering data....alhamdulillah it helps a lot.
- My main research is affected by strike...i am a bit worried, but not super worried as I still have tonns to do with other supplementary research. Anyway I can't do anything about it, only pray to ALlah that it can be completed in time...
- My husband is super busy with his food business...he he adik2 lapar, abang masak sedap, byk tempahan and kesian tgk dia keletihan...
- My mum is coming here on the 14th Nov for 3 months! YEAY....more aktiviti jalan2.

That's all I can write now...super tired this week working almost 9-10 hours per day (ye ke)...and looking forward to a good rest in this long weekend labour day...

pen off

BLANK

BLANK...blank....the analysis doesn't seem to yield anything exciting...

De-stressing....Jalan-jalan menikmati keindahan ciptaan Illahi

Ar-Rahman

"So which of the favours of your Lord would you deny?"
31 verses of this in Surah Ar-Rahman. This verse suddenly struck in my mind a couple of days ago, and when I came home, the surah was being heard from my hubby's ipod..what a touching verse. It really makes me thinking of all the 'nonsense' that I have been questioning myself so far. There are so many favours that Allah has bestowed on me....am I denying it? Forgive me, Ya Allah

Feeling small

I am feeling small and little amongst those great minds at work. Why can't my brain work like them. It seems that my brain has been trained to have a repetitive memory rather than lateral thinking and abstract thinking. I think this is mainly the product of the education system that I have gone through. I have an excellent photographic and retentive memory, that's why I excelled at school and universities. But when it come to lateral thinking, I succumbed...and that is the main reason why I have this difficulty in my PhD. I have no problem in clinical work and clinical studies because that is what being expected of us medical doctors and medical students to diagnose and treat specific symptoms and diseases that had been already described by somebody else in the medical text book. But I have great difficulties and in despair try to think of something that has not been described before, something that is original and significant and could contribute to new knowledge etc etc.....My co-supervisor has provide me with an excellent support and he is aware of my difficulties and concern. He keep on encouraging me, but I feel as if I have let him down again and again...just now he gave me a piece of paper that he has been working on, and asking me to give feedback! oh no...that is the problem with me, giving feedback and critically evaluating the work of others when I myself is struggling to produce a similar kind of work! Ya Allah helps me...I am here to gain this knowledge, to gain this training that I realized that I am lacking of, and that is the main reason that I undertake this path...help me Ya Allah, only You could help me....ameen

Can I say it? No I can't..I can't say bad word even though it is directed to myself as it is a form of du'a...only words of prayers should be uttered....but I feel so d---

A little cry of help....

Ya Allah, helps me in this journey. Only You can show me the path, the light at the end of the tunnel. I have been lazy, forgive me. Sometimes the thought of WHY do I venture in this difficult path prop up once a while & more frequently lately. Never did I realize that this path is that difficult and stressful...however I shouldn't ever question this, whatever that Allah has ordained for us is for the best, only we do not realize that. I am blessed with so many things from Allah. InsyaAllah I will persevere and may success eventually be with me, ameen,

Guidance.....

Recruitment has been pretty slow lately...no patients for the past 2 weeks. However, I have been busy preparing for research presentation at Dunedin. It was only 15 minutes talk, however it really took my nerve! Thought I could rest after the talk and prepare for my poster presentation...how wrong am I...the 'bombshell' was dropped yesterday, which I could not mention it today for it is still confidential. Since then I have been worried about my future here..should I think about other alternative? or should I stay here and believe all the promises? I really don't know what to do, I need to pray to Allah for guidance....

A tazkirah from my dear hubby for me....
Assalamu'alaikum wrt wbt

Kehidupan kita sebagai seorang Islam sememangnya akan dilalui dengan pelbagai ujian. Ujian-ujian yang sememangnya bersifat dalaman dan luaran sebagai satu tanda bahawa Tuhan sedang menyaring tahap kehambaan makhlukNya. Inilah keyakinan yang perlu kita hadamkan bahawa proses kehidupan yang pendek ini perlu dibekali secukup mungkin. Sesungguhnya Tuhan telah memberikan satu anugerah yang disebut dalam al-Qur'an buat bekal orang beriman yang namanya TAQWA.
TAQWA inilah yang memberikan motivasi kepada Rasulullah s.a.w untuk keluar menghadapi masyarakat yang serba rejektif dan skeptikal terhadap Islam. TAQWA inlah juga perbekalan Rasulullah s.a.w untuk tampil mendepani masyarakat tanpa gentar hatta cuba bunuh sedang diatur. KeTAQWAAN bukan satu warisan dari syahadah yang bersifat percuma. Ianya TAQWA yang diusahakan dengan mujahadah dan muraqabah. TAQWA yang mengikat hati manusia dalam melihat ALLah SWT sebagai maksud kehidupan. Ilahi anta maqsudi. Tuhan engkaulah maksud kami. TAQWA yang melihat kebesaran ALLah sebagai mutlaq pengabdiaan. TAQWA inilah juga memberikan kita keyakinan bahawa sifat makhluk yang penuh kekerdilan itu sewajarnya dihormati tetapi tidak ditakuti. Bilamana jiwa ini dipenuhi dengan ingatan pada ALLah maka kebergantungan kita kepada manusia menjadi sesuatu yang begitu minimal.
Inilah perjalanan mana-mana hamba yang penuh baik sangka dengan Tuhan untuk mencari jalan TAQWA. Sangkaan baik pada Tuhan yang akhirnya Tuhan memberikan kurniaan yang sememangnya tidak disangka-sangkakan.
Moga ALLah menenggalamkan hati ini dengan TAQWA dan diberikan keyakinan bahawa segenap perjalanan aturan Tuhan ini adalah tarbiyyah Tuhan kepada kita. Tiadalah ALLah menzalimi hambaNya bahkan ALLah menjadi tempat taqarrub dan permohonan kita sebagai hambaNya.

“Dan sesiapa yang bertakwa kepada Allah (dengan mengerjakan suruhan dan
meninggalkan segala larangan) nescaya Allah mengadakan baginya jalan keluar (dari
perkara yang menyusahkan) serta memberikannya rezeki dari jalan yang tidak
disangkakannya.” (At-Talaq :2-3)

Inilah sebagaimana disebut oleh as-Syahid Syed Qutub dalam mentafsirkan ayat 29 dalam Surah al-Anfal.
“Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Jika kamu bertakwa kepada Allah,
nescaya Ia mengadakan bagi kamu (petunjuk) yang membezakan antara yang benar
dan yang salah, dan menghapuskan kesalahan-kesalahan kamu serta mengampunkan
(dosa-dosa) kamu. Dan Allah sememangnya mempunyai limpah kurnia yang besar.”
(Al-Anfal:29)

“Inilah dia bekalan iaitu bekalan persediaan dan kelengkapan di perjalanan. Bekalan ketakwaan yang menghidup, membangkit dan menyedarkan hati, membuahkan di alamnya setinggi-tinggi kesedaran, kewaspadaan dan berhati-hati. Menyediakan baginya sinar cahaya petunjuk yang menyingkap segala rintangan ujian di liku-liku perjalanan yang sejauh mata memandang. Cahaya petunjuk ini merupakan cahaya yang tidak dikelami dengan sebarang syubhat (kesamaran) serta mendindingi pemikiran yang sempurna dan benar. Kemudiannya, ia adalah merupakan bekalan mengampun dan memaafkan sebarang kesalahan, bekalan kedamaian yang mencurahkan ketenangan dan kegembiraan,
bekalan cita-cita serta impian untuk memenuhi dan mencapai kurniaan Allah yang maha besar di ketika hari yang tiada di sana sebarang bekalan di ketika hari yang mana eseluruhan amalan adalah sia-sia, tidak mempunyai sebarang nilaian. Kesemuanya ini adalah merupakan kenyataan: Bahawa hanya ketakwaan kepada Allah sahajalah yang benar wujud dan menjelma di hati, satu petunjuk yang membezakan antara yang benar dan yang batil yang seterusnya menyingkapkan rintangan dan halangan di perjalanan. Begitu juga dengan hakikat-hakikat kepercayaan (akidah) ini tidak akan dirasai, difahami dan diketahui melainkan kepada mereka yang melaksanakan secara amali.” (Syed Qutub)

Semoga ALLah mengurniakan ketaqwaan kepada kita dalam mengharungi kehidupan di tanah asing bernama New Zealand.

Guidance 4

I have been really busy these past few days...especially with the start of our study. So many things to do and so much responsibility. I need to deal with so many nurses and doctors here. This is the hardest bit of doing clinical trial, and I know doing animal trial is not easy as well. At least the funding and ethical approval has been settled, I can put most effort in the running of the study.....I am doing both the clinical part and lab part as well...I am tired but it is a good experience for me, I hope...Today I have been away from my desk, running here and there...almost had an emotional part get the better of me, a long story that could not be told. I am venting all these here, before I got the chance to vent it at home..hubby is a very good listener and support for me, alhamdulillah.

I have neglected this yesterday..I need to continue it today, my guidance

Surah Al-Baqarah
11. And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers."
12. Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not
13. And when it is said to them, "Believe as the people have believed," they say, "Should we believe as the foolish have believed?". Unquestionably, it is they who are foolish, but they know [it] not.
14. And when they meet those who believe, they say, "We believe"; but when they are alone with their evil ones, they say, "Indeed, we are with you; we are only mockers."
15. [But] Allah mocks them and prolongs them in their transgression [while] they wander blindly.

Guidance 3

Surah Al-Baqarah
6. Indeed, those who disbelieve - it is all the same for them whether you warn them or do not warn them - they will not believe
7. Allah has set a seal upon their hearts and upon their hearing, and over their vision is a veil. And for them is a great punishment
8. And of the people are some who say, "We believe in Allah and the Last Day," but they are not believers
9. They [think to] deceive Allah and those who believe, but they deceive not except themselves and perceive [it] not
10. In their hearts is disease, so Allah has increased their disease; and for them is a painful punishment because they [habitually] used to lie.

Guidance 2

Surah Al-Baqarah
1. Alif, Laam, Meem
2. This is the Book about which there is no doubt, a guidance for those conscious of Allah
3. Who believe in the unseen, establish prayer, and spend out of what We have provided for them
4. And who believe in what has been revealed to you, [O Muhammad], and what was revealed before you, and of the Hereafter they are certain [in faith]
5. Those are upon [right] guidance from their Lord, and it is those who are the succesful

Guidance

I am struggling with the motivation to continue with this journey of education. I have spent the last 2 1/2 months reading those journals...am I wasting my time? Can I get through this for the next 3 years? I pray to Allah for guidance. This path has been made possible by Allah's grace only. I will try my best..I have been guessing my ability so far, and often wasting my time in diversions e.g watching TVs, browsing the nets, shopping etc...I should be seeking guidance from Allah, I should read more Quran.

Just received a translation of Quran from the Voice of Islam, NZ. Amazed with stories of conversion to Islam, they find the Hidayah from Al-Quran.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vlrb1rOT36o
I should revert myself to the true meaning of Islam via Quran. As a first step, I will write the translation here at least 5 ayat perday, insyaAllah.

Surah Al-Fatihah
1. In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful
2. [All] praise is [due] to Allah, Lord of the worlds
3. The Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful
4. Sovereign of the Day of Recompense
5. It is You we worship and You we ask for help
6. Guide us to the straight path
7. The path of those upon whom You have bestowed favour, not of those who have evoked [Your] anger or of those who are astray

Ameen...Ya Allah guide me in this path

Getting Your PhD

Helpful books
Just got hold of these book from the library

PhD comic

From: http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=124

Another PhD tips

From: http://www.theory.org.uk/david/phdtips.htm

PhD tips...I really need this

By Matthias Schonlau, From: http://www.schonlau.net/finishphd.html

• Begin with the end in mind

I found it always helpful to know I what my overall goal was. During my PH.D. I aimed to finish in my Ph.D. in 3 years. I didn't make that in the end - it took 4 years - but that isn't important. The important thing is that I knew in order to make 3 years I had to do a certain course load in the first and second term , I had to take the comprehensive exam the first time it was offered, I had a rough idea of how much time I had to write the dissertation. There are road blocks along the way and things turn out different than you expect. But if you know your overall goal obstacles won't through you off the course, you are just taking a detour.

• You have no obligation to write an important or even useful thesis

Sometimes students set out to write this all-encompassing break-through thesis and then fail because they try to accomplish too much at once. Very few researchers achieve fame because of their dissertation work. Try to write a good dissertation, not a great dissertation. Further, don't insist on writing a useful thesis. Your primary goal is to get a Ph.D. , not to change the world. There is enough time for changing the world after your dissertation when you have less constraints about what criteria your work has to meet.

• Write!

A psychology student told me once that he spends the entire day doing research and then forces himself at the end of the day to summarize what he found - even if he doesn't think he found anything that day. This is important for several reasons : (a) writing helps your thoughts to crystallize (b) you accomplish your daily task which will make you feel good (c) you can track your progress (d) when you write your thesis you have material to draw on (e) you won't forget what you were thinking two weeks ago. In my opinion most students start too late putting their thoughts into words.

• Exercise regularly

I have always found I can work better when I am physically in good shape. During stressful times such as exams, I exercise more often rather than less often. The energy I get from exercise more than compensates for the "time lost".

• Enjoy your "play time"

There is a time to work and a time to play. I try to work hard when I work, and not to think at all about work when I don't work. For example, every year I fly home to Germany for Christmas. I never take work to Germany. All that would accomplish is that I would feel bad the whole time about not doing the work. When you have worked hard all week and can afford to take the week-end off, try to get out and do something fun. Try not to think about work at all.

• Talk to others about your problems

After finishing his Ph.D. a social scientist at an Ivy League university told me once that at some point during his Ph.D. he had so much dissertation anxiety that he went to see a psychologist at the medical center. To his surprise the waiting room for the psychologist was packed and he recognized several other people. Everyone was there for the same reason. He later emailed one of the students he saw whether he wanted to talk about it . Within 10 minutes he got a reply email : the other student was just as desperate to talk about it. Most Ph.D. students at some point or another have problems - talking to fellow students or professors almost always helps. You are not alone. (The above mentioned student graduated smoothly and now excels working at a very prestigious institution).

• Record your progress

Sometime during my second year of my Ph.D. I started writing down every week-end what I had accomplished during the preceeding week. I took great care in this and I often reread what I had done in the past few weeks. This weekly ritual became very important to me and motivated me a great deal. Sometimes in the middle of the week I would realize that I hadn't accomplished anything to be recorded at the end of the week and I would make sure I would get something done.
In addition, I kept a list of things to do at the white board and marked each item off once I had done it. I wouldn't erase it until a few days later though - because that gave me the satisfaction of seeing what I had accomplished already. I still follow this habit to this day.
During a Ph.D. you often try something and it doesn't work in the end. That can be frustrating - but I feel that tracking what you have done helps to overcome this frustration. The path to success has unexpected twists and turns in a Ph.D. - and while a failed attempt looks like no progress it really is.

• Don't find excuses - don't do too many other important things.
Some of the brightest students sometimes have trouble finishing because they are so successful doing other things that may reasonably also be considered important. A very bright young fellow I know kept taking on temporary consulting jobs working for the UN in Brazil and all kind of other exciting and useful jobs. Working for the UN in Brazil is a great experience and you may not want to pass it up. But at some point finishing your Ph.D. outweighs taking on extra consulting jobs.

• Choose a dissertation topic you are passionate about

You will do your best work when you work on a topic that you really care about. This not always possible - but if you have the choice go for it. Also, it is better to come up with your own thesis topic rather than having your supervisor find you a thesis topic. You will find it easier to care deeply about a thesis topic that you came up with yourself.

• Work on your strengths, not on your weaknesses

I was once fortunate enough to have a brunch with the famous statistician Erich Lehman - organized by Agnes Herzberg in Kingston, Ontario. Dr. Lehman had an unusual career and had many things to say. I will never forget the following advice he gave : when in England the professors noticed that his background in mathematics was much stronger than in physics. They therefore forced him to take extra classes in physics. On hindsight Dr. Lehman felt that that was a big mistake. He didn't have any passion for physics and he claims he wasn't good at it either - so there was an extraordinary effort going into something that wasn't necessary.
There may be situations where our passion requires us to work on something we are not good at. For example, my friend Fiona was never interested in any handyman work. However, she was a theatre major and some point she had to know technical theatre operations. And when it was relevant to theatre, she all of the sudden took an interest in handyman work as it related to theatrical set construction.
Unless necessary though I always thought that it was good advice to work on one's strengths - because otherwise we'll be constantly disillusioned and frustrated.

• Take charge - it's your life not your supervisor's
I have always found taking an active role leads to better results than a passive or reactive role. It makes life more exciting. For those of us who like playing computer games - it's like the difference of playing the game and watching the game. Playing is just more fun.

• Do what is right for you - including the choice of discontinuing your Ph.D.
A Ph.D. is not for everyone and I think not to continue a Ph.D. ought to be one of your options. I am most impressed with Judy whom I met during my time as a student. She successfully mastered the comprehensive exam, and then decided that she wasn't really all that interested in research. I still hear her say "You know, it's not for everyone" - not disappointed but just matter of fact. She is happier now. However , I do think you should only quit because you have come to the conclusion that you do not enjoy research, not because "it's overwhelming", "it's too much work", or "I don't know whether I can do it" or "I don't like my supervisor". People can do more than they think - they just have to really try.

6th January to 10th February

Time really flies.......I have been here for more than a month? I am getting panickier each day...what have I done for the past 1 month? what have I read and come out with? there would no more reason of being a new student and adaptation period. oh..I have a headache, I feel that I have been so unproductive this past 1 month......

Remembering my "niat"

I have this dizzy spell since the past 1 week. Most probably because of too much coffee...here everybody loves coffee, I need to break off from coffee. Alhamdulillah my research is progressing well. It is tough as I have to meet lots of people for this training stuff...all the ED and ICU nurses, registrars, and even the top people in ED and ICU...pretty scary, as just yesterday I attended a meeting of senior doctors in ED...however this chance is good for my career. I got the chance to meet the ICU director...and he would help me register with the MCNZ for the intensive care training (part time? do I have time?). All I need to do is to gather all reports on my previous jobs and training from previous supervisors and HODS. The problem is...apart from the expected lenghty process to gather all the necessary requirements......is whether I am ready to do this? People around me told me that I would miss my clinical experience if I don't do this. However, when I am at ICU this past 1 week, I don't feel that I am missing it. Actually I welcome this new experience of becoming a researcher or "scientist". I have been doing clinical works for the past 11 years! That is not including my medical student days. I have been in ICU and OT for the past 9 years! I think that is an enough time for a change, I need this change (esp with no calls.....). I will still proceed with my application for MCNZ registration, I really need to remember my "niat"....it is really a blessing for me if I got the chance to do ICU training as well. It's just like killing 2 birds with one stone....i'll be able to get both clinical and research training. I will start writing all the required paperwork, and send them to my previous boss........insyaAllah, if it is for the best, Allah will open this path for me, ameen.

ALhamdulillah

I meant to write something...ages ago. I have a very good intention on writing on tips on IELTS exam, on processes needed to apply for scholarships & available scholarships, on the process of visa application, on tips of preparation before coming here to NZ etc etc....I would really like to give something out as I have gained so much from reading blogs of others. However, I have been very very very busy.....initially before flying because of the need to settle so many things work and home and also all the preparation to come here. And now, with the reading I need to caught up with and all the preparations for our research (due to start in the next of couple of weeks!). I am overwhelmed....I will make some time to write, insyaAllah.

Alhamdulillah, I am relieved now after an evening with my supervisor. I have this thing of inferiority especially when dealing with those at high rank. My primary supervisor is the Head of Department here and also a very distinguished professor in his field. I have little contact with him before coming here. Most of my contact is with my co-supervisor who is also his research manager, and he has been very very helpful to me throughout this period. I think my primary supervisor notices that I am not very comfortable with him (I am dealing with this inferiority complex...). Alhamdulillah today, at a bbq dinner at his house, I finally breaks the ice...frankly I told him that I need some time to adapt from clinical work to research work, and to put in my thinking cap into that area, and that I will work hard and also thanking him for having me as his student and infact telling him that I hope he wouldn't regret having me as his student......and he has been very encouraging and supportive, and his wife is lovely and welcomed us with open arms......and their house is lovely. I know I am rambling, it is now 230am and I can't sleep. ALhamdulillah....all these are only possible with Allah's grace. He had made this journey possible and open this path for me. I am going to put all effort in this, and always remember my 'niat', and stop all the questions of 'what am I doing here?'.......May ALlah bless this journey always, and help us throughout the way in this path, ameen....